I’ve been wanting to write this post for months now, but to be honest, I had very few good things to say about life with two girls up until about a month ago. Don’t get me wrong- I feel blessed beyond measure to have two beautiful and healthy little girls, but man oh man adjusting was ROUGH!
When we first brought Colette home, Chloe was SO excited! She was just mesmerized by her little baby sister! She wouldn’t stop showering her with kisses and had a constant stream of questions for me. She would even sneak up to the baby room and just sit there and watch her sleep and I felt like the luckiest mom in the whole world! Two little angels and not an ounce of jealousy. It melted my heart to see Chloe so in love with Colette. Chloe understood that I had to feed baby or she would get hungry- and there were no problems at all! I was just so happy that I didn’t have one of ‘those’ toddlers… the ones who got jealous.
Something clicked for Chloe come month 2. She soon realized that mommy wasn’t giving her the same amount of attention. In fact, I couldn’t even physically sit down and play with her during our usual play time. Chloe understood that it was because of the new baby that she was getting less attention and this, my friends, is when it all changed. Although she didn’t love Colette any less… she was torn. She started acting out and having total meltdowns. Meltdowns about the smallest things, too. If I cut her chicken wrong, or if I cleaned up her toys “all wrong,” even meltdowns about certain colors I happened to be wearing! I mean, it was rough. It was obvious she was trying to do anything she could to get more of my attention.
I was frustrated, but I also felt like such a shitty mom because I couldn’t give her what she wanted. When I would breastfeed Colette, she would get so upset that a few times I actually had to hide in the bathroom to get a feeding in! I cried wondering who’s idea it was to have two kids! Then I cried again when I was putting Chloe to sleep- I demanded to still put her to bed because that was always ‘our thing’ but sometimes Colette would start getting hungry and Allen would have to step in to bring me Colette- and then all of a sudden I had both my girls crying at the top of their lungs so I decided to just join in and cry, too! That pretty much happened every day for about a month… and for that entire month, I questioned myself and everyone else that had more than one kid. Why would anyone ever have more than one?! Now, on top of being hormonal and sleep deprived… I was miserable. It turned out that I did in fact, have one of “those” toddlers.
This month was pivotal for my family because I finally started to feel better and Chloe did too. I think she finally realized that her baby sister was not going anywhere. Once she started to accept that, her attitude started to change again, but this time in a good way. She started giving Colette kisses again and demanded to hold her on her own. (By the way – there is nothing scarier than having your toddler trying to pick up a newborn on her own.) Things started to feel more normal once we moved back into our house and had our routine back. Every morning Chloe plays with Colette in her room on her bed. It also helps that Colette is finally laughing and making noises and faces… that definitely got Chloe excited. She feels like baby is interacting with her instead of being this random thing that just cries and eats all day.
It’s just the cutest and sweetest thing when they play together. Chloe always “makes us breakfast” at her kitchen set and pretends that Colette is her customer! There are still small moments of jealousy here and there, but it’s so much better than it was before. Now she’s willing to help me out with the baby and because I’m getting her more involved in the day-to-day routine, she feels more of a sense of responsibility. She loves to help me with diaper changes, and when it’s time to feed Colette, she likes to help me by going for a pillow or the boppy. Whenever I talk to Colette in front of Chloe, I always sing praises about how her big sister is so amazing and responsible- she loves hearing that!
It’s been a roller coaster, to say the least. Moments of immense love, jealousy, hatred and every emotion in-between. It really got me thinking though – isn’t that what sisterhood is all about? Loving each other one moment and hating each other the next, only to make up and love each other all over again not but seconds later? I guess it starts early!
Now that it’s been almost four months, we definitely have a system and routine down. There are moments during the day when I just watch Chloe and Colette play, and listening to Colette laugh like crazy and I think to myself, “okay… it was all worth it!” Once both girls are in bed and I finally get some time to myself at night, I just can’t help but smile thinking that my girls will become my life long best friends!
Anyone else have 2 kids out there? How do you stay sane? Let me know down below!