Happy Valentine’s Day! I thought today was the perfect day to talk to you guys about how Allen and I make our relationship work since I always have soooooo many people asking me about.
First off, I’m here to break the news to you guys that it’s not all sparkles and butterflies. It actually takes a lot of work to make a relationship last, which I’m sure a lot of you know! There’s a lot that goes into it! Trust me when I say I can go on for days about this topic, so I thought I’d share the top 3 things that make a relationship last (for me). I’ve made an effort to prioritize these things in my relationship and have accepted them as part of my life now. I truly believe that Allen and I have been able to have a richer relationship because of it!
I’m sure you guys have heard it before, but communication really is THE most important step to keeping a relationship/marriage going. It’s easy to assume after being with someone for a long time that you already know everything about them but trust me, you don’t. I’m still learning things about Allen that I didn’t know just last year! The more we talk and the more we argue, the more we grow together… and the more we realize that we still have so much to learn about each other!
Communicating on a daily basis can sometimes feel repetitive with the “How was your day? How was work?” type of questions that generally require only a one-sentence reply. These are also the “Did you have a good day?” questions which most likely will be answered with a yes or no. Try asking open-ended questions like “So tell me about your day…”
2. Love Language
Understanding your partners love language is SO vital in a relationship because not everyone speaks the same love language. I didn’t understand this until I read the book The 5 Love Languages. It’s easy to assume that your significant other has the same love language as yourself. I always feel so happy and so loved when Allen does these little “gestures” for me such as washing the dishes, and cooking for me and I soon learned that my love language is “acts of services.” For the longest time I thought Allen was the same but after reading the book I learned that his love language is “quality time.” This allowed me to understand him better and I made sure we carved out some QT every week no matter how busy we get!
3. Embrace the Arguments
There’s research that shows that couples that argue about little things and complain to each other the most have the most lasting relationships. There will always be differences between people and different POV’s so it’s completely normal to argue. The more I get to know Allen the more I get to know him but the more I realize how different we are. We are constantly arguing about things that we don’t agree on and are always trying to share our POV’s with each other. It’s never trying to “win” an argument but simply voicing what we believe in. Through arguing we get to understand and get to know each other better and where the other one is coming from. Trust me… it’s not pleasant at first but it’s healthy for the relationship!
Like I’ve said before, relationships aren’t easy. You have to work at them every day and they’re always evolving. So be sure to give your S.O a little extra love today! And from Allen and all of us on the CINCteam, Happy Valentine’s Day!